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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Adjust Your Comparing Strategy

The practice
There's an old story about a man who had chronically low self-esteem. He was a good physicist, but felt stupid compared to his hero Einstein. He played tennis well, but he was a klutz next to John McEnroe. And he was pretty good on the piano, except he wanted to be Mozart.

He stayed depressed until one day he worked out that he was comparing himself to the wrong people. So he decided that from now on, for physics he'd compare himself to McEnroe, for tennis he'd measure himself against Mozart, and for music he'd feel pretty good about himself compared to Einstein. In a week his self-esteem had sky rocketed!

This week, instead of finding yourself wanting in comparison to people who are richer, smarter, fitter, or more Hollywood-style beautiful than you, try comparing yourself to people worse off.

The theory
Comparing ourselves to others seems to be innate to humans. We evolved in small bands with a pecking order, and we need to know where we stand in the hierarchy, so compare ourselves with others. But self-esteem plummets when we compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking, so we have to be mindful of our comparing strategies--and frankly, we have to make them more accurate, by basing them on more reasonable data!

In their book Evolutionary Psychology, Lance Workman and Will Reader point out that mass communication has made it easier than ever for us to "constantly compare ourselves with images of the most successful on earth". They go on to explain that if we are consistently bombarded with images of the rich, the beautiful and the talented, then in comparison our own abilities pale into insignificance"--and our self esteem plummets.

The results
Comparing ourselves with people who are worse off than us might cultivate a sense of achievement, or a feeling of gratitude--both of which are correlated with higher self-esteem, and happier mood.

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